Yes, the 3 types of people that make my job such a joy. It’s quite unbelievable how our environment is taking shape nowadays. There are thousands of houses being built all over the place at the mo. Only the other day (December 2024) our new prime minister (call him what you want) announced a million and a half new houses to be built in the UK. For fucks sake! Has he driven around Thanet lately? We’re not going to be stuck in traffic – we are going to be glued to the freakin tar-mac. The traffic is bad enough as it is. But really, this is exactly what the government wants and who could blame them? The revenue from car tax must be colossal.
So getting back to the daily task I can tell what kind of a person is driving their cars. I’ll put them into 3 groups which are as follows:
- The Normal
- The Bewildered
- The Fuckin Arsoles
Sorry about the terminology in the last one number 3 “FUCKIN ARSOLES”. But in all honesty, I have to admit… that I come into that category myself. Eh? what? How can you admit to that? Well, I’m just like them – but not by driving like them, the way I react back to them makes me equally as bad, that’s the subconscious kicking in I’m afraid. Stay calm… breath oommm!! if only I could remember that when I’m driving. Mindfulness, the subconscious? These two will also be covered in later chapters.
The Normal
When it comes to battling your way through the day taxi driving, it’s always comforting to know that there are some good people out there. Now I reckon I can tell what people are like by the way people respond in traffic and on the road: in general.
The normal person will go out of their way to help in a shitty traffic situation. For example, if you’re struggling to get out of a junction but there is a continuous flow of slow traffic, the normal category will go out of their way to let you out.
If a stranded person/pedestrian is stranded in the middle of the road (someone probably from the bewildered category) a normal driver would go above and beyond to slow the traffic down to let the person cross.
The normal person will be the first to acknowledge they have made a mistake in any driving situation. Either a hand signal or a grimace of the face is enough to stop you from calling them a “cunt” or a “fucking arsole”, we’re all good.
10 Traits of a Good, Normal Person
Empathy:
The ability to understand and share the feelings of others, creating genuine connections.
Honesty:
Being truthful and transparent in actions and words, even when it’s not the easiest path.
Reliability:
Someone you can count on, whether it’s keeping promises or being there when needed.
Kindness:
Small, thoughtful actions that show consideration and care for others.
Respect:
Treating others with dignity, regardless of their status, beliefs, or opinions.
Sense of Humor:
The ability to laugh and not take life too seriously, bringing lightness to tough situations.
Self-Awareness:
Understanding their strengths and weaknesses without arrogance or self-deprecation.
Open-Mindedness:
Willing to listen to new ideas and perspectives without judgment.
Accountability:
Taking responsibility for their actions and learning from mistakes.
Compassion:
Going beyond sympathy to take action and help others when they need it most.
The Bewildered
FFS I don’t know what’s worse “bewildered” or the “fucking arsholes” driving on the roads nowadays.
The easiest way to describe these zombies is simple. Imagine you have a big board held out in front of you. Now imagine there are two holes for your eyes to see. Hold the board to your face and look through the holes: this is what a normal person see. Everything. However, hold the board a foot from your face and you can hardly see bugger all. This is the view of the ‘bewildered’. This is how they perceive the world. They are basically on another planet.
You could be driving down the road with a row of cars on the opposite side of the road. It’s not rocket science – It is your right of way, standard.
However not in the eyes of the bewildered. They will charge towards you as if they haven’t seen. Hang on, no they haven’t even noticed you even though you are taking up most of the road. The normal would have given way at the first opportunity. But the bewildered unfortunately wouldn’t notice or acknowledge any gap. Even worse, now you have the dilemma of whether or not they are going to crash into you or not – you are probably on the pavement by the time they have gone past calling them a ‘cunt’ or something of that nature.
Normally, the bewildered is a lonesome young mum who has dropped or dropped the kids off at school.
I don’t curse the bewildered because they would be oblivious to any sign of defiance.
10 Traits of the Bewildered
Obliviousness
They seem completely unaware of their surroundings, whether it’s other cars, pedestrians, or the concept of right-of-way. It’s like they’re in their little world.
Tunnel Vision
Their focus is so narrow that they miss the bigger picture, like oncoming traffic or a car trying to merge. It’s as if they’re viewing the world through a cardboard tube.
Inconsistency
Their actions are unpredictable—one minute they’re driving 20mph in a 40 zone, and the next they’re crawling past a green light like it’s a museum exhibit.
Unresponsiveness
A bewildered driver will rarely react to honks, flashing lights, or even another car squeezing past them. It’s not defiance—it’s cluelessness.
Lack of Awareness
They seem to have no concept of road rules or etiquette, blissfully plowing forward as if they’re the only car on the planet.
Delayed Reactions
They take forever to notice the light’s turned green or to realize they’re blocking a junction. You’d swear they’re buffering like a dodgy internet connection.
No Acknowledgment
If they make a mistake, don’t expect an apologetic wave or grimace. They’re too busy daydreaming to notice they’ve even done anything wrong.
Hesitation
They’ll pause at junctions or roundabouts like they’re solving a Sudoku puzzle, leaving everyone behind them frustrated and fuming.
Obsession with School Runs
Often spotted with kids in the back, they’re juggling school bags, snacks, and directions, which might explain their total lack of focus.
Invulnerability to Insults
Shouting, swearing, or hand gestures are completely lost on them. They wouldn’t notice a middle finger if it was neon and flashing—they’re in their own bubble. Simple.
The Fucking Arseholes
Wow! Where do I start? And yes you got it right – I do put myself in this category to an extent. The only difference is I wake up and realise after the event has happened. More of a lack of self-control.
In his book: The Chimp Paradox the author: Steve Peters explains this action down to a tee. When I first read his book I actually thought he was referring to me. But the book isn’t about fucking arsole it’s about how our brain reacts in certain situations.
Here is some insights from the book:
Understanding Your Brain: The Chimp, the Human, and the Computer
Your brain has three key systems that influence how you react:
- The Chimp: The emotional and reactive part of your brain, always quick to act on feelings and instincts. It’s useful in emergencies but can lead to impulsive, unhelpful decisions.
- The Human: Your rational, logical brain. It takes time to assess facts and decide thoughtfully, but it can be slower than the Chimp.
- The Computer: The storage of your habits and learned behaviours. It operates automatically, based on programming influenced by the Chimp and the Human.
Why You React Without Thinking
The Chimp acts faster than the Human because its main goal is survival and emotional safety. When a situation triggers an emotional response, the Chimp interprets it as a threat and reacts impulsively before the Human has time to reflect. This is called a “Chimp Hijack.”
The Importance of Reflection
Reflection helps you manage the Chimp and allows the Human to take control. Taking time to reflect before reacting can:
- Prevent impulsive actions that lead to regret.
- Reduce unnecessary conflicts by responding thoughtfully.
- Strengthen relationships through calm and composed interactions.
- Help you focus on solutions instead of getting stuck in emotional reactions.
How to Manage Your Chimp and Reflect Before Acting
Dr. Peters suggests practical ways to ensure your Human stays in charge:
- Recognize the Chimp: When you feel an emotional reaction, acknowledge it. Understanding that it’s your Chimp speaking can help you avoid acting on impulse.
- Pause and Delay: Give yourself time to breathe, count to 10, or step away. This creates space for the Human to process the situation.
- Ask Rational Questions: Reflect on the facts and consider the best course of action. Questions like “What’s the best outcome here?” can help you focus on logical responses.
- Develop Helpful Habits: Train your Computer with positive habits that align with your goals, so your automatic responses improve over time.
- Learn from Experience: If you react poorly, reflect on what happened and plan for how you can handle similar situations better in the future.
Final Thoughts
The Chimp isn’t bad—it’s just emotional and impulsive. Your job is to manage it, not fight it. With practice, you can train yourself to pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully, ensuring your actions align with your long-term goals and values.
So that may help you understand why we react like we do. And I am as guilty as the next, however: The fucking arsoles are already in that mode and are deliberately trying to make life awkward for everyone.
Next time you eat out at your favourite restaurant call the waiter/waitress and ask them: Do you ever get award customers? And the answer will be a big fat yes. But there is a difference. If I went into a restaurant and the meal was awful, I wouldn’t complain I just wouldn’t go back there again.
Then you get people who would complain but have a genuine reason for their complaints. They are nice about it and there is no aggro. Everyone is happy – after all, everyone makes mistakes.
But the fucking arsole has already made their mind up before they’ve gone in. They are getting that meal for nothing and complain about everything.
I picked a waitress up in tears because she’d had a whole day of shitty customs. I even tried to make myself feel better by saying this: “All you have to do is take a deep breath and say to yourself. “Thank God I wasn’t made like that. It’s such a shame that something like trauma has ruined their life, what a shame”
Let’s say you are driving down the road and out of the blue you notice a car speeding down the sideroad onto the main road where you are going. Now they’ve realised that they can’t stop in time and pull straight out straight in front of you causing you and them to stop. When you look at them in their car, you can see them pointing at you with a face like it’s chewing a wasp. A ‘Normal’ person would put their hand up to apologise. The ‘Bewildered’ would carry on and not notice. My problem is I would still probably react badly to all 3 scenarios but especially more to the ‘Fucking Arsoles’.
Why are BMW drivers some of the worst for being Arsoles? The ones with their hoodies on, like they are trying to hide something. Blimey, if you are a wannabe gangster, drug dealer or just plain terrorist why the hell would you have your hood up? You might as well just have ‘criminal’ written on the side of your.
These drivers might also have a car that bangs and sounds like they’ve drilled holes in the exhaust pipes. Is this a self-esteem issue? Why would you want to draw attention to yourselves?